It’s September.
You are sitting, legs crossed, foot shaking, in a high school desk. Somebody has carved initials on the
fake wood (what is this material anyways?)…The desks are aligned in neat rows,
and the walls are covered with posters of grammar rules (flashback to the
nightmares of comma usage!)…You look around the room at the other parents, some
deflecting nerves into their phones, others lining up pens and notebooks to
take notes (damn, was I supposed to bring a writing utensil???)…and in walks
the teacher. But how could she be
in charge? She’s tiny and looks
12. And then she begins:
“Hello! My name
is Emily Genser and I have been teaching English for 14 years. I have taught every grade, 6-12 for at
least one year, so I like to say I know where your child is coming from and I
know where he’s going. I have
taught every level from remedial to Advanced Placement. I promise this: I will make your child
laugh. I will make your child
work. I will introduce him to
ideas that make him stretch and that challenge him. I will teach him.”
Now you can stop shaking and let her take over.
As high school teachers, we
understand that your kids are coming from the no man’s land of middle
school. In middle school, emotions
rule, grades mean nothing, and the only thing that truly matters is
persistence. Kids learn to balance
their wants with their needs. They
are beginning to see the world for what it can be (sometimes cruel, sometimes
wonderful) and to figure out where they will stand in this world. They will go through personality
changes like clothing trends, and may find that each new attitude is more
constricting than the last. As
parents, we just try to survive this time, looking for glimpses of the child we
knew and hoping that the personality they choose allows space for us. Sometimes parents look at school as a
place where they can still be in control, and they will try to foist that
control on the teacher. So lets
get down to the nitty gritty.
9th Grade: At the
beginning of this year, you will get a chance to meet the teachers. TRUST THEM. You will be nervous, you will be worried about how big the
classes are and you will worry that you child will get lost in the fray. You will think about your daughter’s
anxiety, or your son’s reticence.
You will worry about your 14 year old being unfocused or lost and not
asking for help. All of these
worries are normal, and the teacher in front of you has seen everything and
more before your son or daughter walks into her room. Remember that the teacher is a professional. Most states require that teachers have
a Masters Degree in teaching their subject. Every teacher wants your child to succeed and most will do
whatever it takes to help them do just that. If you keep that in mind, you and the teacher will start off
just fine.
MY SUGGESTION:
Email the teacher. They might ask
you to fill out a parent information form at the open house. Email them anyway. Most of those forms sit in a desk until
they notice a problem. Don’t send
a long email, but introduce yourself and your child. Include major concerns to look out for and provide any and
all phone numbers. If your
information is easy to access, the teacher will be more likely to get in
touch.
Stay up to date
with your kid’s grades. Most
schools use automated-web based grading programs now. Because of this, a lot of schools are not sending home
progress reports and teachers will not update you until things are dire. If you see a trend in dropping grades
across subjects, it is up to you to get in touch. We don’t know how your son/daughter is doing in other
subjects, so what you see as an issue, we might not catch. Send an email. Check in at the midpoint of the year
and again toward the end. These
emails don’t go unnoticed. They
keep your child on the radar.
However, don’t over-email.
Squeaky wheels get annoying, but don’t necessarily get results. No one wants to be hovered over.
DO NOT DO THEIR
HOMEWORK. Check out Judith
Newman’s column in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/22/opinion/sunday/helping-kids-with-homework.html?module=Search&mabReward=relbias%3Ar%2C%5B%22RI%3A5%22%2C%22RI%3A16%22%5D&_r=0)
about helping with homework. It may come from a place of goodness in
you, but it doesn’t ensure any sort of success for your child. If anything, when your child’s teacher
notices it, and she will, it will make her upset. It will make things harder for your child, not easier. When in doubt, email the teacher. Ask questions about how long an
assignment is taking. Sometimes,
one question could clear up the whole thing, and your child will be able to do
the work. If he sees you asking questions and getting answers, perhaps he will
model this behavior at school as well.
Especially if he sees it working.
10th Grade: Okay, year
one is through and with each new year, we raise the bar for your child and
lower it for you. Take a step back
and breathe through it. It’s now
time for your child to learn to advocate for himself. Go to open house.
Meet the teachers. Feel free to email the teachers your information and
some notes about your son or daughter.
But only once, at the beginning of the year. Stay up to date with his grades, and ask him what projects
are upcoming, but stand back and let him learn to plan his work, and to balance
the load. He will hit potholes and
sometimes fall in. Let him climb
out. Let him fix what breaks. This is the year to screw up and work
it out. This is the year to let
him grow into himself. Only step
in when there is no other choice.
11th Grade: AAAAAH Junior year!!!! This is the year. There is so much stress on your child
in his junior year that you will go gray, go without sleep and you will not
understand how he seems able to sleep comfortably at night. Teenagers have an amazing ability to
hide their anxiety. Whether or not
he shows it, he will be feeling frantic this year. He may be taking A.P. courses, is probably involved with extra-curriculars
of some sort, and he’s getting lots of homework. His classes are all harder now, and he’s hearing almost
daily from counselors about how his future depends on what he is doing right
now. Let home be a refuge from
this. Keep things much the same as
they have always been and try not to apply more pressure. He needs a place to breathe and this
year, it is not at school. If he
can wait another year to get a job, that might be a good idea. If he can’t, then make sure he doesn’t
work too many hours. School comes
first and always this year. It is
that important.
ONE BIG SUGGESTION: Talk to your
child about his teachers. Help him
to figure out to whom he can go for a strong, personal recommendation. I have the most difficulties writing rec’s
for the quiet students. If I don’t
know your child well, my recommendation will be bland and generic. Also, make sure your child asks the
teacher IN PERSON for a recommendation.
He is asking us to do something extra, that is not required and for which
we can barely find the time. It is
a favor. Act accordingly.
12th grade: Home stretch. Once applications are in, the whole
family can breathe more easily.
There will be less pressure in school this year, overall, so just make
sure that you are on top of the application process. Go to guidance meetings, if your school has them and make sure
your child is meeting deadlines.
Other than that, give him a bit of room to enjoy his last year of high
school. He will have less homework
and more long-term projects. Check
on grades periodically, but start treating him like an adult. He’ll need to feel responsible for
himself if he is leaving the house in a year. You’ll both be better for it, if you start the process of
letting go now.
Most of all, through all of this, remember that we all want
the same things. Teachers and
parents all want to create leaders.
We want to feel that we are helping individuals to find themselves and
to become good, strong-minded adults who can take on the world in an informed
way. If we work together, and give
them a supportive foundation, then they will be ready for anything.
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