Fake it Till You Make it

So, recently I have been smiling a lot at work.  It’s strange actually.  Because…well…it’s work.  But I am lucky enough to be able to work at a job that means something to me.  I think of it like pizza.  Even when my job sucks, and believe me there are plenty of days when it does, it’s all together pretty darn good.  I teach kids.  Let me explain more clearly.  I teach Sophomores and Juniors (and next year, seniors-gasp!) how to write well and read closely.  More than that, I teach them how to work hard for what they want, and assert themselves if they believe they deserve more than what they got.  I teach them to want, to need, to have independence.  I teach them to read the world like it is a difficult book, written in old English, spotted with words they don’t understand.  I teach them to question what they see and hear and experience.  Because if they don’t question it, then they will just go along with it.  If they just go along with it, nothing will change.  At some point in their lives they will find something that they want to change, and they will need to get into attack mode.  I teach them the ready stance for that moment. 

My kids may not love The Scarlet Letter (although in my utter English teacher geekiness, I really do).  They may not understand every word of Macbeth, or accept that throughout high school they will only read sad books.  They may not hand in every homework assignment or ace every test.  But they will love coming into my class.  There’s no big secret here.  Generally, when they walk into my room, I am smiling.  When they talk to me, I smile and usually laugh.  I laugh a lot.  It makes them laugh.  It lets them breathe. 

A few years ago, I read somewhere that even at your lowest moments, if you fake a smile, you will start to really smile.  You can trick your brain into wanting to smile until you find something to actually smile about.  I know that I am lucky.  I have a job that works for me.  If I don’t want to sit at my computer throughout the day, I don’t have to.  If I want to change things up mid-class, I have that control.  I get to see my successes and failures almost immediately.  And, if I am frustrated with a student, I know he will walk out the door in 48 minutes or less.  But I also have incredibly difficult days when parents and students and administrators all challenge me at once.  And those days, I fake it, until I find a reason to smile.  And usually when I smile, someone else smiles back.  And then I can breathe.